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The
Shit List
Sometimes
when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more
than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help
you explain the situation better to your friends and family...
Ghost Shit
You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit
in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Shit
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces
of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure
you did it!
Gooey Shit
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and
it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your
underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks
in the toilet.
Second Thought Shit
You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when
you realize it.....you've got some more.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit
This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until
you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Bali Belly Shit
You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now Shit
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head
out before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Shit
This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless
you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind
of shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Wet Cheeks Shit
This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets
your ass wet.
Wish Shit
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!
Cement Block or Oh God Shit
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.
Snake Shit
This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and
at least three feet long.
Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god!
How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's
house.
Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)
You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.
Beer Drunk Shit
This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't
smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing
outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens
at someone else's house.
The Frightened Turtle
The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back
in
The Bungee Shit
The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into
the water.
The Ring of Fire Shit
The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole
feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
The Crippler
The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your
legs go numb from the waist down.
The Big Bobber
The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always
floats back to the surface.
The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in
a traffic jam.
The Incredible Hulk Shit The king of shit that sits in the toilet
overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.
The Jack the Ripper Shit
The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes
its way out.
The Party Pooper
The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet,
you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
The Toxic Gas Shit
The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before
you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.
Dirty Bowl Shit
The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent
of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over
the toilet bowl.
The Windy City Shit
When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer
need to take a shit.
Oh Shit! Shit
You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet
paper and you say OH SHIT!
The Never Ending Shit
It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just
when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more
shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried
Chicken.
Ouch That Hurt Shit
The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto
a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.
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