A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder.
If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times.
For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially
nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your
problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging.
And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week.
If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband
will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied.

Dying wives

"I was married 3 times" explained a man to a newly discovered drinking partner, and I'll never marry again." 

My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull. 

"That's a shame." said his friend , "How did it happen?" 

"She wouldn't eat the mushrooms!" 

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. 
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for awhile but then smiled and said, It really works!

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, You know, I was a fool when I married you. And the husband replied, Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:either the car is new or the wife is.....