The Grand Indian wedding Affair

The Indian wedding affair is said to be the most elaborate of all marriages, with weddings attended in thousands, it is not only a grand but also a confusing affair. Primarily because you get so utterly mixed up in a crowd of so many unfamiliar people, nodding helplessly, wondering who these idiots are grinning at strangers and trying to figure out how you get back to square one. Believe you me, a child has a better chance of survival because he can cry and within seconds have all nearby women rushing to help him find his mommy, with an ice cream to boot. On the other hand if a grown man or a woman get lost in a crowd, they will refrain from crying. What they will do, is sweat profusely trying to find their way out of the maddening crowd, stuck in the middle of which they realize that they urgently need to go to the loo. Now instincts take control and they rush to find a crack in the crowd. This instance, if closely observed is the same as the drowning man looking for the shore.

Lets take a closer look at the glorified bride, the highlight, the head-turner at the Indian weddings. Traditionally clad in a red dress which signifies energy and fertility actually depicts the color that her face will turn when she finds out that her husband leaves the toilet seat up.

As long as we are on the topic of the dress, if you have, or will ever see an Indian marriage, you will see the bride being brought to the holy flame by her friends with her head bowed. If you believe that she is walking because she is shy, it would be advisable to get your head examined. For it is not shyness nor humility but the weight of the many embedded jewels in her designer wedding dress that pull her down, with her friends accompanying her so as to make sure that she doesn’t fall down.

As the onlooker with an objective view, I see it like a prisoner with an iron ball in her hand and her friends as the giggling cops walking with her on the last green mile.

Of course being objective means I can’t be prejudiced, so here’s my take on the groom.
The groom has complete freedom to wear anything (you don’t deny a soon to be dead mans wish).
Riding to his wedding on a horse, wearing a turban covered with flowers so that no one can see his mourning face. The bride and groom take SEVEN “pheras” or circles around of the holy flame, and after the end of the seventh the groom looks at the flame wondering which will hurt more, being married or jumping into the holy fire.