I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner
when the phone rang.
ME: Hello.
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T.
ME: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ..
ME: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ..
ME: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes! This is AT&T. May I speak to Mr. Byron,
please?
ME: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
ME: OK, hold on. (At this point I put the phone down for
a solid 5 minutes thinking that surely, this person would
have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise,
when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.)
ME: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
ME: May I ask who is calling, please?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T .
ME: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T .
ME: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes, sir.
ME: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.
ME: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Byron. We
would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day,
7 days a week, 365 days a year.
ME: Now, that's 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day?
AT&T (getting a little excited at this point by my interest):
Yes, sir, that's right! Twenty-four hours a day!
ME: 7 days a week?
AT&T: That's right.
ME: 365 days a year?
AT&T: Yes, sir.
ME: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
ME: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
ME: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just
one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560;
and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
ME: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
ME: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a
day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144
per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested
in knowing how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh, no, sir. I didn't mean we'd be paying you.
You pay us 10 cents a minute.
ME: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that
you'll give me 10 cents a minute, that I'll give YOU 10
cents a minute? Is this some kind subliminal telemarketing
scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer,
you know.
AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for
.
ME: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor, please?
AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
ME: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold. (At this point, I
begin trying to finish my dinner.)
SUPERVISOR: Mr. Byron?
ME: Yeth?
SUPERVISOR: I understand you are not quite understanding
our 10 cents a minute program.
ME: Is This A T &T?
SUPERVISOR: Yes, sir, it sure is.
ME: (I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was
all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful
not to produce a snort.) No, actually, I was just waiting
for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for
the plan.
SUPERVISOR: OK, no problem. I'll transfer you back to the
person who was helping you.
ME: Thank you. (I was on hold once again and managed a few
more mouthfuls. I need to end this conversation. Suddenly,
there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end
of the phone.)
AT&T: Hello, Mr.. Byron, I understand that you are interested
in signing up for our plan?
ME: No, but I was wondering - do you have that "Friends
and Family" thing because I'm an only child and I'd
really like to have a little brother...
AT &T: click....
