Tech Guy Walks Into A Bar

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers like
there's a telephone in his hand, then puts his palm up against his
cheek and begins talking. Suspicious, the bartender walks over and
tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any
trouble here.

The guy replies, "You don't understand. I'm very hi-tech. I had a phone
installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular."

The bartender says, "Prove it." The guy dials up a number and hands his
hand to the bartender. The bartender talks into the hand and carries on a
conversation.

"That's incredible!" says the bartender. "I would never have believed it!"

"Yeah", says the guy, "I can keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you
name it. By the way, where is the men's room?" The bartender directs him to
the men's room. The guy goes in and 5, 10, 20 minutes go by, and he doesn't
return. Fearing the worst, given the neighborhood, the bartender goes into
the men's room to check on the guy.

The guy is spread-eagle up against the wall. His pants are pulled down and he
has a roll of toilet paper up his butt. "Oh my god!" said the bartender.
"Did they rob you? Are you hurt?"

The guy turns and says, "No, no, I'm ok. I'm just waiting for a fax."

Take what you want

Two IT guys were walking across the park when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second IT guy replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first IT guy nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."