Women's English:
Yes = No 
No = Yes 
Maybe = No 
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry 
We need = I want 
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now 
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later 
We need to talk = I need to complain 
Sure go ahead = I don't want you to I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, 
you moron! 
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot 
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs 
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house 
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper 
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep 
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive 
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate 
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on 
TV 
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me 
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead] 

Men's English:
I'm hungry = I'm hungry 
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy 
I'm tired = I'm tired 
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you 
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you 
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you 
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you 
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage! 
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you 
What's wrong? = What stupid self inflicted psychological trauma is it now? 
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question 
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex? 
I love you = Let's have sex now! 
love you, too = Okay, I said it, Now can we have sex 
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before 
Let's talk = I'll impress you by showing you I am a deep guy then maybe sex? 
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex without me